BMW 760iL
The 760iL is quite simply a car that can be explained with numbers 2, 4, 4.6, 8, 12, 14, 400, 750, 1,632,500. Let's run through them: This is firstly a 4 door executive saloon with a 6 litre all aluminium V12. As if that doesn't blow your skirt up they added 2 turbochargers. This collection of hitech puts out 400kW and 750 Nm, nice round numbers don't you think? I mean, who increases their torque and power over the “previous model” by 22 and 25% anyway? See, it is all in the numbers; 14cm longer wheelbase than the standard “puny” 7 series; 8 speed auto gearbox that never missed a shift and never seemed to be in the wrong gear; and its coup de grace, 0-100 in 4.6 seconds.
That last number is what you need to have lying around if you want to go collect one and call it yours. No car has the right to be this spacious and comfortable and this bloody quick. And there are of course some niceties not seen in the numbers, no silly manual dipstick to sully your poor Jeeves' expensive uniform. Electronic oil level. Not to mention the interior gadgetry, but more on that later. This car is designed around the passengers in the back. The air suspension is sublime. The levels of NVH (Noise, Vibration and Harshness) are not worth measuring, in fact the terms themselves just feel wrong. Comfortable. Quiet.
The rear wheels steer to ensure greater rear passenger comfort when lane changing. Entertainment and information systems and controls are repeated at the back. Bentley-esque foot rests are provided in the rear. The back seats are electronically adjustable. Heated seats being so passe, they had to add a massage mode too. A new feature for me is Gentleman mode. Press this button and adjust your passengers' seat before they get in! Let's not even bother talking about legroom. There is enough unless you managed to pay for it through your enormous successes in basketball.
The handling is not all about being in the rear and this car can go marvellously sideways with a little traction control dialled out with the adjustable suspension and by giving her a little oaf-like suggestion via a prod of much right foot, not that you get to hear those tyres squealing. Oddly, without the windows open it is only noticed through great steering feel and shall we call it a little upsetting of the otherwise perfect composure of the ride. Don't get me wrong, this sure isn't antiseptic. It is all grins and youthful reminders of joyful hooliganism, you beast-like captain of industry you.
Although it has these party tricks and nearly caused the demise of a Ferrari driver who changed lanes absent-mindedly almost hitting me by stupidly assuming he had dropped me on the drag from the lights, this car is not about gobs of seemingly limitless power. It is about control. The car feels more restrained bulging muscles, than unbridled rocket-ship. It leaves you feeling in absolute, precise control of what feels like a compact car. Unbelievable. Gadgets? The usual safety stuff, including lane change warnings, crash detection via the heads up display, variable speed control that brakes for the car slowing down in front of you.
Cameras abound. Yes, yes, we have seen that all before. How about infra red pedestrian detection? Yup, press the button and see the world through an infra red camera that identifies passenger shaped hot objects and highlights them in yellow on an otherwise black and white screen, and if they appear to be entering your path, pops a little warning up on your head up display. Great for driving on our rural roads at night. It doesn't identify animals though. Pity. While on those roads you will notice the headlights auto dim function, as approaching cars' headlights, or rear lights that you are rapidly chasing down cause the brights to dim down. Excellent that. Should be mandatory by law.
Nothing irritated me in this car, even the experience of getting in and out with keyless go and doors that hold themselves hydraulically in any position and soft close with motorised assistance. No need to slam here. The wood inlay even looks good, as it accompanies the sueded, Alcantara full roof liner. The only thing I could ask for is the night vision doesn't miraculously project as an overlay through the actual windscreen. It is that good. Even the iDrive now works. Even the damn fuel consumption is reasonable for a car of this performance.
Not light mind you, but reasonable considering a 4,6 0-100 time. At just over 2 tons, this car doesn't feel like the barge it ought to be, it doesn't look it either. Onlookers can't place it a first glance, and it is only discreet badges that give it away. It is a perfect reward for rising to the front of the executive herd, and it is a hidden gem in the BMW collection. Fast, enjoyable, somehow understated in the pearlescent white of my test model, and a complete joy.
Time to rummage through the back of my couch, I left that R1,6 million somewhere.
